your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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