there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize