it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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