why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"