Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.