A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i think i just lost a toe
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