Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬