you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.