party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.