In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
