i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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