if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
