my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
