The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
