he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
