Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
