I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need a burrito and a hug.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
