either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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