Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it