Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up