if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am naked and annoyed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.