i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.