she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have aggressive nipples.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.