Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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