yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize