My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.