No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.