uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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