He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize