My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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