In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
