bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize