i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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