R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
