My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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