Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping