Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me

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  (708): Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me http://tfl.nu/afk5
  Replies (2) Good night (1068) Bad night (675)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.

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  (978): I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud. http://tfl.nu/nbnf
  Replies (15) Good night (1579) Bad night (531)
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  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4395) Bad night (522)
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  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

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  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (8473) Bad night (1318)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

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  (709): I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number http://tfl.nu/l21z
  Replies (12) Good night (5478) Bad night (1478)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

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  (587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751
  Replies (7) Good night (1055) Bad night (5051)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.

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  (484): all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar. http://tfl.nu/zjrs
  Replies (1) Good night (1553) Bad night (745)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

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  (240): We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/70u9
  Replies (3) Good night (2084) Bad night (1008)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me

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  (903): Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me http://tfl.nu/adub
  Replies (6) Good night (4161) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth

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  (602): I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth http://tfl.nu/7hav
  Replies (5) Good night (1419) Bad night (524)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.

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  (832): Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away. http://tfl.nu/sac9
  Replies (1) Good night (993) Bad night (591)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.

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  (516): She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location. http://tfl.nu/ak9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1335) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."

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  (860): When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed." http://tfl.nu/60fs
  Replies (0) Good night (635) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

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  (215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n
  Replies (12) Good night (3135) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.

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  (+44): There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though. http://tfl.nu/j5bh
  Replies (2) Good night (266) Bad night (649)

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