if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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