i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
