I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."