Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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