She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
