Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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