apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.