so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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