I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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