That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
