I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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