wrigley field is MILF paradise
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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