you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday