Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.