So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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