That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her