what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize