No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.