You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just threw up on my dentist
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce