The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!