dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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