"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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