please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you never un-have a 4some
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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