she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
