She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
