whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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