oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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