So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize