She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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