I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
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we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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